Yup, thats right. You are now looking at (or rather the blog of) the newest high school science teacher.

Yup, its official, I sweet talked my way into my first big girl job and I feel great.

Now its time to shop for big girl teacher clothes. Yay!

So its official, I am no longer a student teacher.

Today was my last day at school with the kids and it was bitter-sweet as I am sure you expected. I spent the week out on field trips with a group of kids where we went to each of the six elementary schools that feed into the middle school to get students pumped about science and going to our middle school instead of the other one in town. Basically, I sat back and watched as kids did several different science experiments that they found or came up with and had been practicing all semester. The kids did awesome and it was fun to see them interact with the fifth and sixth graders that we hung out with. I wont mention the desk we burned a whole in, the rooms we filled with smoke and the smell of fried pickles, or the tables we stained with iodine. Ya, some interesting stories there but I will say this, I did everything in my power to prevent the previously listed damages and will simply say, "Ya, that's science for ya..."

It was a great week to be in the school a bit but not really in the classroom. I think it helped the kids transition out and back to their normal teacher. But today I was back with them. We spent each period listening to a few students present on their science experiments that they designed as part of a big at-home project and then we stuffed our faces with cake, cookies, dounts, pop, and other less-than-healthy items that they students bought and made for me. Its not like I really need a good reason to indulge but I will admit, all I wanted for dinner tonight was a salad. With as little calories, sugar, and fat as absolutely possible. I think I hit my sugar quota for the decade. It was AWESOME.

The food was great but getting to say goodbye and spend on last day with my students was good. I received a couple of cards and even a couple gifts and the students were very sweet today. I felt very appreciated and while that isn't why I am doing what I am doing, it sure feels good to have students react that way. I told my teacher about the cards and she told me to make sure I put them in my "Happy Box." She showed me her box, which is pink with little white polka dots, that has all the letters she has received from students, staff members, and parents that are encouraging that sit in the box and wait for the enevitable day when the walls come crashing down and she needs a reminder as to why she chose this rediculous profession in the first place. Don't worry. I have already begun forming ideas for my own "Happy Box." I have a feeling I will need those reminders too.

As for the future, it sounds like I will again be blessed with much more than I deserve. I haven't heard anything officially but my supervisor told me a little bird told her that the people at the high school that I interviewed with were very impressed with me. It sounds like things are moving in the right direction for me to take the science position over there in Feburary just as long as all the financial issues get ironed out and such. I will be sure to let you all know if I hear of anything final but in the mean time, its back to folding shirts at Old Navy. I wish I could say I was excited but I will settle for the fact that I am looking forward to having a paycheck again with so much enthusiasm it may kill me and I am incredibly thankful to have a job to go back to there. My bosses have been incredible to me so while going back is a little tough, I am very appreciative to even have a job.

So ya, its hard to put into words what it feels like to be ending such a monumental chapter in my life. Maybe it hasn't quite sunk in yet but I don't feel any different. Perhaps in a few days when  I am not waking up when it feels (and looks) like the middle to the night to shower and commute to school I will finally start to feel like I accomplished something great, like surviving... and making it look good. Until then, I am just winding down from the student induced sugar rush from today.

So if you havent yet, go grab a healthy salad and a slice of something sweet. Oh come on, think of it as a little celebration with me! I will keep ya posted on things so stay tuned.

Take care!

So, now that Thanksgiving is over (well, sorta over... the leftovers are haunting me...) it's now time for the marvelous Christmas season. I love Christmas time: the lights, the snow, the family traditions. So great.

Christmas has always had a little bit of a downside, though, because the cold weather is just such the prime time for cuddling and I always felt that, while I always had so much love around me, I felt like I was missing something. And this Christmas season, I have someone to spend it with and I couldn't be more excited to experience it with someone. And not just someone, but the Love of My Life.

I spent Thanksgiving with Eric's family this past Thursday because my family dinners aren't the same when my brothers are on opposite ends of the country. It was fun to spend time with his family and I felt like I was one of them. Its like I snuggle right in to my little niche in his family and it makes me feel so... good. I even made pie... delicious pie and I think that helped seal the deal. :)

And then this evening I talked holiday traditions with Eric's mom Peggy and it just made me so excited for all this month has to offer. My expectations are high but in a good way. I am eager and loving every minute of it.

But before I can get to the good stuff, I have to survive two more weeks of school. It seems so crazy to be so far in but I think the rest might kill me. Ok, no, its not nearly that bad. It will definitely be bitter-sweet to be done because I will miss my kids and teacher a whole lot but I think I will just have to visit if I can.

I know this post seems a little pointless but whatev. Get over it. :)

Ya, that's all.

I know its cliche because everyone is always soooo thankful on Thanksgiving but I have begun to realize how incredible life is. I have so much to be thankful for and I am complaining about how tough and how annoying certain things are way to much lately. So here is my little "Thankfulness Rant."

First and foremost, I have learned in the past couple of monthes that I have the coolest family. Living at home again may not be ideal but it is so nice to see my mom and talk with her. My little sister and I get to hang out too and being in her life right now as she navigates high school is pretty dang cool. I haven't gotten to see my dad or my family in Idaho and I miss them and my brothers like crazy but I am still so thankful for such a supportive and incredible family.

I am thankful for love... for being accepted and wanted and for the most incredible 7 and a half months of my life. Eric makes me so happy and I my life has just so much more joy in it. And I am certain this is just the beginning of it all; I can't wait for everything that the future holds for the two of us.

And then there is my teaching stuff. I am so thankful for the most incredible placement in my student teaching and I have been so blessed by all the staff that I work with. And I am so thankful for the opportunity to apply for a job in the spring. I know that there are pros and cons to getting the job and I am so thankful for the peace that comes with knowing that no matter what happens, I will be just fine. God has provided this semester and I know He will continue to provide.

Gosh, I just have so much to be thankful for and not just today when it surrounds me but everyday. I am so blessed and I just can't forget that.

I hope today you bask in your cliche thankfullness... and that you are just as thankful tomorrow.

And the day after that...

And the day after that...

And the day after that...

Well hello there.

So, an update: I went in for that interview last Monday and it went fabulously. I was honest, and open, and myself. I was able to share my learnings from student teaching and share my passion and strengths. I was also able to ask some questions about the school and the staff as well as the position itself.

The interview started at three and I didn't leave until almost 5. It was long but time went so fast. I walked out out of the interview feeling very satisfied as to how it all went and I was invited back to observe and hang out with the science department for the day.

There are at least two other candidates that are under consideration and I don't have any experience in a High School classroom so the odds of me getting this postition are slim but it was great practice to go through the interview and then get to spend time up at the high school observing. It has been encouraging and exciting so we will see what happens.

Tomorrow I am heading to the high school to spend the day observing different teachers. It should be a great opportunity check out the vibe at a high school and pick up on some tricks that these teachers use in their classroom.

Again, I will let you know how that goes.

Pray pray pray.

Thanks thanks thanks. :)

So I have spent the last 10 days teaching my main unit for the semester. I have been spewing the law of conservation of mass upon my kids and they were tested on Friday to see how much of that information they retained. I'll let you know how well that does.

But essentially, I have spent a great deal of my free time planning, writing up lesson plans, grading, or thinking about what's next. Its been a little rough to say the least.

And now, the real work starts. I have to have my Action Research Project and my STEL (proof that I know how to teach) done here in two weeks and counting. I have so much stuff to do.

So if you think about it, pray for me. I have to survive this to be a teacher. I need all the help I can get.

And also, I have a meeting with a principal for a potential job in January. I need to pick out an outfit that says I am mature but hip and I am in control but willing to learn. And then there is the interview itself. I'll update you later about how it goes.

Fingers crossed!

Halloween makes me want to have kids.

Being a teacher makes me want to sterilize myself.

Conundrum.

Ya, that's all.

Could it be? Is it really possible? I just may be a real teacher someday... and sooner than I ever thought.

I found out this week that through a meeting with the high school in the articulation area that my name has been thrown into the hat for a long term sub position for the biology teacher at a high school in the area. Ya, that's right.

It sounds like the position is a full semester position for a teacher who teaches mostly biology and one section of marine biology. That's a little different then my 8th grade physical science and will be a pretty big adjustment from middle school to high school but an interesting possibility nonetheless.

Now nothing is for certain in any way and there are other candidates for the job but some of my cooperating teachers were approached by the science chair-person at the school who said I had caught her eye.

This just fell into my lap and that's crazy exciting. Not only is it a potential opportunity for job experience... but its a paycheck!!! :)

Just a crazy thought that God could have such a wonderful plan that doesn't require me to wait it out and hope the job market gets better. He certainly is soooo good to me.

But again, nothing is for certain. Whether or not I take the job, it will be a great experience for me to go through the process for applying for the position.

If you think about, send up a prayer for me. My prayer is that this would all be according to His will. I don't want the position if I am not a good fit so I just pray for wisdom for me as I go through the process and discernment for those who are doing the hiring for the position; I don't want the job unless I am qualified and the best fit for it.

And in the meanwhile, I just pray I can grow where I am planted and impact my students the best I can.

Thanks for reading, friends!!

I know, I know, its only been a matter of hours since my last post. These things are being written MUCH too close together to be from Larissa.

Don't worry, your aren't dreaming. This is happening. This is REALLY happening. :)

Cue the witty post...



So, this will come off sounding like I'm complaining.

Which I am.

So now that you are prepared: I just spent 3 hours grading, and then 6 hours of planning today to get caught up and be prepared for this week. For those of you who are a little weak in the math department, that's 9 HOURS of work. And not fun work but stupid grunt work for my stupid Action Research Project. Dumb. Its just silly amounts of work that are supposed to help me prove that I am qualified to be a teacher but instead make me hate life and wish I was a barista at Starbucks. At least I would get free coffee and not be all drained and caffeine-starved. Instead of being all hopped up and much to happy to be serving way over priced coffee drinks, I sat at a wooden table with a wooden chair, that was incredibly sucky to sit in for 6 hours, and preceded to talk myself off the cliff that I wanted to jump off over and over again all afternoon.

I did however get a good jump on the stupid project and got my tests all graded and inputted which is nice.

If you think about it, pray for me. My attitude obviously needs a little adjustment and I need a hug.

Hope you aren't talking yourself off any cliffs and if I was there with you, I'd give you a hug. :)

With love,
Miss Harder

I keep telling myself, "Larissa, you need to update that blog..." "Just take a minute and write something down..." "You love reading everyone elses updates on their blogs, maybe you should return the favor..."

Ya, I keep having these mini conversations in my head and then I close down Blogger and go do something else.

NOT TODAY!

Im not really sure how many people actually read this but if there is anyone who just wants to check up on me, I wanted you to know that I have never been happier in all my life.

I am student teaching at a middle school in Golden, CO and I am in love with middle schoolers. I teach 5 sections of Physical Science which is a lot of chemistry and while its difficult most days, I am learning more than I could have ever expected. Every day provides a new opportunity for me to make a mistake and learn from it and most days contain several hidden jems.

One of my classes in particular has many kids with special needs and because of all the different levels of learners and behavior issues, it is my most difficult class. I typically have my cooperating teacher in there with me as well as a special education teacher but yesterday I was all alone in the room for the whole class period. There is one student who is particularly difficult because of behavior issues and him and I have had it out a couple times this last week, one of which ended with him in the assistant pricipal's office for most of the afternoon. Well yesterday I was trying to do all I could to keep him in align and called on him to answer a question at the begginning of class. He wasn't paying attention and had no idea what the anwer was so I gave him the option to phone a friend. He preceeded to dial on his palm and then make a "phone" out of his thumb and pinky and called a girl across the classroom who picked up her "phone" to answer. They had a phone conversation about the answer which was hilarious, put there phones back down and then the student gave me his final answer. It was so funny. We laughed as a class for a while and then continued on with class. I think it was the best time the student had in my class and it was a step in the right direction for him and I.

Another thing you may want to know about me is I am madly in love. I mean, head over hills. I mean, I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Eric and I have been together for almost 7 monthes now and as we say, 7 months down, 60 years to go. This man is incredible. He is hard working and passionate and desires to just serve people the rest of his life. He is getting his masters in rehabilitation counseling and works very hard at school. He is going to be an awesome counselor. I could go on for hours about how incredible he is and how good he is to me but we'd be here all day. Just know he loves me more than I deserve, treats me better than I could have dreamed of, and makes me so happy. I love every minute I am with him and look forward to our whole life together.

But yes, I know this whole blog has really only been about two things: teaching and Eric but that is really all I have time for in my life. I teach and I grade papers and I plan for new lessons and in between I sneek in some time with Eric. I sleep when I can. Its rough some days but incredible other days and I am the happiest I have ever been.

Hope this blog finds you well and that God shows you the important gifts in your life that He has given you.

I'll blog again soon...

In the space between simple moments
I find myself at a loss for words.
With only my eyes to communicate volumes
I plead for him to understand the depth.
While it is simply too much to ask
For anything more than what I have already received
I just desire for him to understand.
While my words fail me and
My silent eyes can only say so much
I pray somehow he knows.
There is no greater feeling then to be lost
In that space between simple moments.
To just freefall together
Knowing that while the landing is unexpected
It’s enough to know your falling together
And it makes you simply forget about that landing altogether.
Naive and in love
We just enjoy the rush
As we entangle your lives together
Hoping beyond hope that
We can tangle them enough to never be able to separate.
Just hoping that time will be the cement
That seals our lives together.
I have no desire to dismount, untangle, or pull away.
That desire fled as your eyes told me you loved me
And I believed you.
Because in that moment I put my hand in yours
And our fingers entwined
It was enough of a tangle to keep me there forever.
By your side I take this needle and thread
And sew my life into yours.
Stitch by stitch and day by day
This bond grows stronger
As does my desire to be with you.
It’s not the big events that have my heart fastened so tightly to yours
But rather the little things
Unplanned and unrehearsed
Those simple moments
That are proof we belong together.
And in between those moments
I am content
Knowing I am entangled with the greatest man alive
And I bask there in that glow
In that space between simple moments.

Well helllooo there. :) Hope this blog finds you well.


I must say that I have been dreading this first blog but before you get all in a tissy, (uh, yeah, don't do that...) let me just explain.


I think everyone who goes into a trip like this one to Guate goes in with expectations even if they try their best not to. Some people are real optimistic and some try to be as pessimistic as possible so they couldn't possibly be dissapointed. So I of course had some expectations of my own. Its hard to even put them in words but I'll try my best. I think I expected to really encounter God in a new way and I expected to just learn a lot about love and how we as Christ followers are called to love and what that best looks like with a language barrier and extreem cultutal differences. I expected to find joy in the little things and contentment in all things.


Now what I got was much different. And I still don't really know what to do with it all.


First of all, let me say that the joke of the trip was that we were winning at Disaster Bingo. If all the spaces on a bingo card where disasters or things that could go wrong on a trip, we would have gotten a bingo. Without a free space. We kept saying we were going for black out. Now, I am not joking here. We faced a errupting volcano (one that we climbed a week before it errupted... I mean, we poked the lava with a stick, that's how close we were) and then we had a tropical storm. (Oh Agatha...) and that storm caused flooding, mudslides, and collapsed houses. Also, there was a massive sink hole in Guatemala that swallowed (yeah, swallowed) an entire building and threatened several others. In addition, we had a girl get very very sick and so she was hospitalized for two nights for a severe intestinal infection that had been causing her to throw up blood. That same girl also had her wallet stolen later in the trip. I'm not even joking, this all happened. And I'm not even counting the drama between the team members and missionaries that can only be expected when a group of kids stick together for three weeks.


But even with all this craziness crammed into three weeks, we were able to hang out with some of the coolest little boys and play some awesome games of soccer with them and then we met some of the cutest little kids at a couple of orphanages and I think my heart is still there in Guatemala in little Maria's hands.

I think with all that I experienced while I was there, the one thing I was most certain of was that God was in control and had a plan the entire time. And it certainly wasn't our plan. But even this was something I already know and I hadn't yet forgotten it. With all the stress of the trip weighing down on my shoulders, I most often found myself not so much as barrying my face in the shoulder of God as some might expect, but rather with His arms around me, just leaning on Him for support. It was almost effortless, like He was the one holding on to me, keeping me close, and supporting me when I didn't even think I needed it. I was blessed by His faithfulness, love, grace, and about a zillion other attributes that He possesses.

I think I also expected to learn a lot about love but I can actually sum up what I learned pretty simply: God wants us to love not like its the only day you get but love like you have only minutes left. I think I will spend some more time on this thought in another blog but that's what I learned about love from little Maria.

And as far as joy and contentment, I must have dodged all that like raindrops because while I wasn't so much as anxious or stressed, I just wasn't content. I was a little restless in all that we did and it was a little draining.
I think I also learned a lot about being a leader. And about failing. But since this is already a novel, I'll save those for another blog as well.

But I will close with a few more thoughts.
I am very thankful for the experience that I was blessed with in Guate. I adore my team and the missionaries and all the people we met there. It was a good three weeks even with all the craziness but words cannot express how thankful I am to be home safe and sound and enjoying some summertime.

And last but not least, since I keep talking about her, let me introduce you to Maria, my little Gautemalan orphan that I serisously considered smuggling home. I was blessed enough to be with her for a couple of hours one morning and she stole my heart.


 
What more can I say? God is good. :)

Yeah, so I was just building up anticipation by not blogging for so long... yeah, that's it.

:)

Ok, no I am a total slacker and I admit it. Or rather, I should say that I have had entirely too much to do in entirely too little time. My B, everyone. My B.

But here is the deal: I finished my last college undergrad classes and finals. I participated in commmencement ceremony. And I moved out of my apartment and back home. Goodness it has been a crazy week. Or month. Or semester. Out of control.

But yes, Guatemala is the next thing on the list and one that is now taking up a lot of my time. We will be heading out late Sunday night and wont be back until June 7th. 22 days of fun. Its going to be incredible, I just know it but we still have things to figure out before hand.

Will you guys join us in praying for a few specific things? First, money. The team is all paid for but we have a few fees that we all are paying out of pocket for so please be praying that we all can find the money to pack our baggage fees and travel expenses and the like. Also, safety and travel smarts are definitely needed. We are actually getting on a total of 5 planes to get to Guatemala and back so just airport safety is needed but also as we tavel around Guatemala and do all the activities and work, please pray that we are wise and safe as we run around. Please pray for the hearts of those we will encounter, both nationals and our missionaries as well as anyone we meet while we are traveling. My prayer is that their hearts would be opened to the Lord and that we as a team can be a light and a testimony to our God. And also the hearts of our team. We are all a little nervous and anxious at this point and not really sure what all to expect so please just pray that we can trust the Lord and be flexible and just willing to do whatever we can while we are in Guatemala.

Thank you all so much for following this and praying for us and supporting us. God is so good and He is blessing us with so much and I can't wait to go and experience what He has in store for us. And yes, don't you worry, I will be sure to tell you all about it when I get back. Thanks again and God bless!!

Larissa

Hello out there! Just a quick update:

We are doing really well as a team overall. This week before spring break has been a little stressful for some but a little break here is going to be so good for all of us.

Last Sunday we were blessed by the Residence Life staff here on campus when they put on a Rock Paper Scissors tournament and gave us the proceeds. There were some intense refereeing and battles but it was a wonderful time to hang out as a team and just laugh at the intensity. Some of the girls on the team made some incredible goodies which we gave away for a donation also. We ended up making a little over $100 which will get us one step closer to our goals.

We are also buying plane tickets today which is a huge step. We are just so thankful that we have the funds for these tickets. God is providing in beautiful ways for us and we are so thankful for that. We are moving in the right direction and people are continuing to bless us financially as well as emotionally and prayerfully in their support. Thank you to all of you who are reading this and are included in that group. If you still feel called to give, check the little blurb over on the left here --------> and you can get some more information for that donation.

Thank you all for reading and keeping us in your prayers. God is doing some big and beautiful things in our group and we are just blown away again and again by His grace and faithfulness.

Praise God and to Him be the glory! :)

I want my life to make a difference. I want to leave this world a better place. And I want to enjoy doing it.

Is that so much to ask?

I think to accomplish this, it comes down to finding how my purpose, that is God-given and God-fueled, is combined with my heart-filling and joy-giving passions and talents. So, yes, I am once again talking about how I can combine my education degree with my desire to get out there and experience the world and take it in through the lens of my camera.

With a lot of grace and by His will alone, I will be able to get out there and change the world, if only for one soul.

This all comes from the fact that I have spent this last week preparing for a paper that I had to write for my missions class that is all about teaching overseas. Basically I spent the entire week looking at beautiful places and hearing about incredible opportunities and doing all I can not to look at plane tickets to these places. It was really good to do some research and look at both the pros and cons and the hurdles I will have to overcome in the next few years. It was such an exciting thing to look into further but it has also required me to really dig deep, spend some quality time in the Word and prayer and really try to attempt to understand the Lord's will for my life.

I think the jury is still out on that last little bit because I honestly have no idea if I will actually get the incredible opportunity to go teach in another country but the possibility is still very exciting. I think the conclusion that I am coming to now is that I need to grow where I am planted and let the Lord mold, grow and prepare me for all the work He has for me.

My prayer now is that I won't be so antsy to get out and go and see but rather that I can be content and joyful in serving right where I am. I am looking forward to the next few years in my life and all the learning I will be blessed enough to experience. I praise God for the work He has done in my heart and will continue in the next few years and I am excited to see what He will do with my willingness to go and serve the Nations.

Pray for me... :)

Hello there. Here are some pictures as promised.

But first, I need to do some prefacing. : )

So every year, CCU2theWorld, the mission organization at my university, does an awarenes event called Bowl For A Buck. Basically, we rent out a bowling alley, fill it with way to many people, and bowl like crazy. Each missions team has two lanes or so and they sell tickets for their lanes. The teams decorate and dress all crazy so as to represent their country and culture and it is just an all around crazy night. We chose to go as Mayan warriors with facepaint, jungle hair, and bright colors. Prepare yourself. : )

The following pictures are worth a zillion words. But because some of them are a little odd, I'll give you some captions for reference. Just know we had a wonderful time bonding and hanging out as a team. And we used a lot of soap and water as well as bottles of conditioner later that night.

To the pics!

So, I am a really REALLY big fan of black and white. Like, big bold patters like zebra skin, or black with white polka dots, or a big bold floral pattern; it’s all great. I love black and white photographs and nine times out of ten I will like the black and white version better than the color version of the same photograph. In fact, even though I see every picture I take in color through my camera lens, in my head it translates to black and white. Yeah, I'm a big fan of black and white.

So, yeah. Why is that important?

Perhaps it’s because that isn't life. Life isn't a crisp, bold pattern with defined lines between what is right and what is wrong. If you think about it, most aspects of our lives aren't black and white but are a dance somewhere in the gray. I find myself searching and wishing for black or hoping to end up in the white and yet all I can find around me is gray.

A good black and white photograph has a wide range of shades of gray but it also has to have strong blacks and strong whites. It’s kind of a beautiful description of life, if you don't mind going deep into this metaphor with me. A good photograph is a solid, balanced combination of all three elements, with no one overpowering the others. And if that is a good metaphor for life, why am I so desperate to find my way to the black or white?

This whole thing stems from my desire to truly know who I am, where I am going, and what it all means. These are no easy answers to find and I hate to say it, but I may just be looking to answer these questions for the rest of my life. But as I coast through my senior year and start to prepare for the next season of my life I have this desire to be in the black and white. I want solid, definable answers to these questions and an ocean of other ones. I want to be committed to some choice as to what I am going to do and how I am going to do it. Not in the sense of putting on blinders and barreling down the path I choose, oblivious to the other open doors the Lord has laid beside the path but in the sense of having the peace in knowing that I have truly sought the Lord and made the decision I think He is calling me to make and then trusting Him with the rest. I am ready to jump and follow Him anywhere but after Guatemala, I don't know where He is leading me.

I think taking one day at a time could be a great way for me to just calm down and wrap my head around this whole thing but that philosophy is just not sitting well with me as I look to graduate and get finances in order. Where does the Lord want me to go now? What does He desire of me? What is His will in my life here in the next season? Which path do I take, the black one or the white one?

Or do I just continue to dance in the gray?

I haven't the faintest idea. But will you dance with me?

Oh hey everyone. Larissa here.

(Ha, who else would it be?)

Here is the quick (yeah right) Guatemalan update:

* We are now eleven people strong. We gained another girl, Michelle, who is a doll and I think she will fit in rather nicely with the crew. So that makes 3 guys, 5 girls, Lindsay our staff leader, and Arika and I. Solid, solid team.

* We have been focusing a lot of getting to know each other and building trust as we let ourselves be vulnerable. Its a struggle sometimes but everyone is pretty amazing and God has taken them down such beautiful paths to bring them to this place. Its pretty incredible to see each individual and then see our potential as a team. I think God just may do some incredible things with us...if He wants.

* Our main focus is going to be shifting from so much team bonding (which we will continue, of course) to learning as much as we can about Guatemalan culture and fundraising. We have decided that we are raising funds as a team rather than as individuals and it will be very interesting to see how that all works. The team came to the decision themselves to pool our funds and I think the Lord will really provide if we are all using every resource we have.

* As for fundraisers, we are going through King Soopers grocery store and buying gift cards that people can load money onto and for everything they buy, we get 5% of the money. So, if you are a shopper and King Soops and you wouldn't mind putting money on a gift card and then using that to buy your groceries, let me know and I'll hook you up and you can support us financially as you shop. This will be the first of a couple fundraisers so I'll let you know more when we get things nailed down with the next money makers.

* As far as the cold hard facts go, we are about half way to our plane ticket goal of $6,000 and we have to have that money in by Friday. Please be praying for these funds so we can get those plane tickets and take the next step on this awesome adventure.

* This coming Thursday night my school is having an event called "Bowl-4-a-Buck" where my missions department rents out the bowling alley and everyone comes to bowl and support all the mission teams. Each team has a couple lanes and they dress up and decorate their section like their country so its always a crazy, crazy time. I am going to try to bring my camera so I can snap some pictures and post them for you guys. So stay tuned for that.

Uh, yeah, that is all I can think about right now. Some specific things we could really use some prayer for is finances, good plane tickets, and a deep desire to better understand what the Lord is teaching us today. We are doing a lot of preparation in our heads but the most important prep is in our hearts. Thanks so much for reading this and for your support, it really means the world to me.

:)

Forgive me for more water analogies, they just seem to be echoing in my life. Here is some scripture I read today that may just be my life right now:

Jonah's Prayer
1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me.
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O LORD my God.

7 "When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD.
and my prayer rose to you.
to your holy temple.

8 "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the Lord."

10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry ground.

Jonah 2:1-10

If I have come to realize anything through planning and preparing for Africa and now starting the process again with a whole new destination and group of people, it's that that Lord likes to just dump things on you. I mean, I feel like for the majority of my life, God has been like, "Oh Larissa, its good to see you. I would love for you to work on A, B, and C, and then I am going to throw a few little things your way here and there but I'll space them out really nicely and you won't be overwhelmed or anything. In fact, it will really feel like you aren't learning anything until you turn around and use that hindsight of yours." You know, its that constant trickle of things you deal with and learn from. Yeah, that's not the case. Its like a stinking down pour over here. Like a constant hot shower, full force, raging. I must be pretty dirty to need such a long shower.

Oh and I know I am. That's the other thing I am learning right now. I am a stinking wretch. I know nothing. I am nothing. I just mess things up all the time. Its a good thing my God has a lot of grace and forgiveness for me. I couldn't do any of this without Him. In fact, I would be totally insane without Him.

And so, without further ado, the Life Lessons of Larissa, Sent from God:

1.) You have no idea what God has in store for your life.

Yeah I mentioned this one before but I have no idea where the Lord wants me to go. Read up in that blog and you'll know what I mean.

2.) You are a wonderful person but you are nowhere near complete and are a constant work in progress.

Yeah, work in progress. Ugh. I feel like anything I have confidence in, like my leadership ability or any skills I have in relating with people are in a current state of construction. I guess that it is mostly just me learning what those things are. Like, how do I lead a group of 10 people who are so different from each other and myself? How do I get to know them in a way that is not cheapened by the fact that I am trying to learn to love 10 people all at once and how do I balance being vulnerable and still keeping their trust that a messed up person as myself can still lead. And can I? Can someone so imperfect and broken still lead a team?

3.) Larissa, you suck at listening.

Uh, thanks God. But I know I do. Its been really interesting to watch the Lord as He brings all these people into my life who either need someone to care about them, to listen to them, to love them, or to just plain be with them. I have come to realize that I am often in a conversation to share my incredible wisdom with them and while I do feel that the Lord gives me wisdom to share with others, I was getting so absorbed by that. I can't just be in a conversation, poised and waiting to vomit some wisdom on the unsuspecting person in front of me. How well do I fully understand the situation before I just jump in and save the day? Am I asking questions and digging deeper or am I just waiting to take back control of the conversation? How many times do I jump in and share a similar story of mine or go strait to the "Me too, and let me tell you about it..." without fully trying to understand if the person is telling me so someone will say "Me too" or because they need someone to really listen. Don't get me wrong, I know the power of the "Me too" phrase, I mean, I go to Flatirons, but sometimes, telling someone your own story makes it look like you never really heard theirs. So Yeah, talk about struggle. I am just learning so much more about this. Maybe I'll go into it more in a later post.

4.) I need you to love the person right in front of you.

A good friend of mine told me this was what he was working on this semester and I realized how much I need to work on it to. I am so quick to get through a meeting or an encounter with someone so that I can move on to someone else or more often then not "me time", but I have come to see how much I was missing out on. I decided to give this You-are-in-front-of-me-so-I-want-to-love-you-and-really-listen-to-you-for-as-long-as-you-need-thing a try and I have got to tell you, its incredible. Its hard and its a struggle but I have never been more blessed by conversations and relationships in my life. Praise God for His work there. Keep it up, Big Man, keep it up.

Yeah, I could go on, but this post is stinking long as it is and I'll let you get back to work... or facebook stalking, most likely. If you want to be praying for the above mentioned lessons I am struggling though, that would be cool. But if you want to get together and challenge me to ask you questions, love you fully, and learn to lead you better, I think practicing these things could help.

:)

Thanks for reading.

Now go do something useful with your life...

Yeah, so i waited a couple of days to write because I was hoping something funny or interesting would happen so I could write an incredibly witty and cute little post but that's just not happening right now.

Don't get me wrong. My life is not all crazy and crappy and doomsday but I guess I was trying too hard to find something upbeat.

In reality, Satan is having a hay day in my head and is ripping at anything that he can as far as my leadership, self confidence, dreams, and a lot of aspects of my life. And yes, it really is as crappy as it sounds. I have always heard of spiritual warfare and been aware of it but never to this depth. So yes, if you have been praying for me, some protection could be fantastic.

And I say all this in a pretty positive way. Yeah demonic work around me scares the crap out of me but while the devil has been hard at work, I know my God has been working even harder. And I am so blessed by what He is doing.

Mostly I have been more aware of all the beautiful and wonderful women in my life. I have been so blessed to run into people randomly and receive a needed hug or spend a couple hours just hanging out with these beautiful girls. I have even been able to have some really stellar conversations and the Lord just provided some grand opportunities for someone to share a lot of needed wisdom with me. My God is truly wonderful and He is showing me just how blessed I am to not have to go through anything alone. Incredible.

So that little bit of sunshine I was hoping to find and share with you is the girls in my life. My roommates, my friends, my team members, my mentors, and so many random and wonderful girls that I have been seeing throughout the day. They are all so wonderful and I am so thankful for their willingness to listen, to laugh, and to just love me like they do.

I pray that you are aware of all the wonderful women in your life and their willingness and God-given desire to do life with you. None of us should ever have to carry something alone or try to figure out our own way because a wise friend reminded me that these people are there to travel with us. Praise God for that!

<3

My last couple of posts have been a little on the chipper side…

(yeah I said chipper…)

But this one is a little different. I guess the Lord has really been working on my heart a little and checking my motivations. Through a series of events in the last couple of days, I have really begun to look at why I am going on this trip and how I am going to get there.

I know everyone says that if you are supposed to go, the Lord will provide a way but I guess what I struggle with is knowing how much I am supposed to work for it and how much is provided through doors that the Lord opens. People say that you can do anything if you try hard enough, that you can make anything happen if you put enough work into it but is that of the Lord? Where does His will play into that? When it comes to Guatemala, it basically comes down to money. I got an e-mail the other day and it basically said I shouldn’t expect any financial help from my family this year. It seems that a lot of my family thinks that one mission trip is all anyone should get. And maybe they are right. Maybe I am being greedy in thinking I can have the opportunity to go on another trip. Maybe two is one too many.

And then, in my heart, I am so sold out to this trip. And it’s in a really different way than Africa. On the last trip, I sort of thought of it as an incredible opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. I knew I was going to learn so much and I hoped I would come to know the Lord more and enjoy a new culture but I don’t think I fully had my head wrapped around what I was doing or how it was going to change my life.

And now, I am facing a new frame of mind. I know that this trip isn’t going to allow me to change the world or do anything big but I do know that I will get to see the Lord at work in beautiful ways and I am so excited to go and see this place alongside these people I am coming to love. And the Lord is just reinforcing my desire to help the people down there in Guatemala. He is breaking my heart for elderly and orphaned and He just keeps whispering to me that I am doing the right thing in embarking on this journey. I guess those last couple of sentences should be enough to calm me but to go I have to have money and I don’t know where to get it.

When it came to finances for Africa, you should have seen how freaking scared I was. The last couple of months, I was a total wreck because I didn’t know if I could make it to such a high financial goal and I did. The Lord provided. Why wouldn’t He do it now?

I guess I am just scared because He could just close the door. He could just pull the plug. Or a number of other cliché actions that really mean God is saying “No.” What it all comes down to is I am scared that I will pour my heart into this trip, this team, and then I won’t get to go. Man, I am such a baby.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. And even though it’s hard, I truly don’t want it any other way. I don’t want to go unless the Lord is on my side and I know that all I can do is pour my heart into this and give it my all each day. The Lord is guiding me and growing me and teaching me so much and even if He is just teaching me now and not taking me to Guatemala that is so much more than I deserve.

So, if you are out there reading this and you want to pray for me and this trip, I could really use them. More than anything, my prayer is that the Lord would have His way and I would remain humble enough to accept His will, especially if He desires me to pour everything into this trip and still not go. I will certainly do this but only with the grace of God and His help. And pray for my ability to trust. It’s a constant struggle of mine especially financially so I could use a zillion prayers for that as well. And really, anything else you have on your heart, pray for that too if you want. The Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf so just go with it. : ) I really do appreciate all these prayers and your support so thank you so much for it!

Well, thanks for putting up with the winey post.

I’ll post a better one tomorrow.

Go in peace and serve the Lord. : )

I don’t know if you can relate but it seems that every time I think I have some aspect of my life figured out or find some sliver of direction for the future God just likes to give a little chuckle and then knock over my meager tower of blocks. Like that little kid in preschool, I am a little embarrassed to say that my first reaction is usually to pout it out, throw a little tantrum, and then refuse to share any toys with Him. Well sort of. I guess my reaction is just to sit there, wonder what the heck happened and search for what I can do now. It’s always a struggle because before the Lord straightened me out, I thought I had it all figured out. When you are constantly realizing that you are just wrong over and over again, how exactly do you keep trying to search out the Lord’s will for your life?

A quote I’ve heard often comes to mind here: “Repeating the same experiment over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.”

Cool. I’m completely insane. Awesome.

Maybe I should clarify a little here:
So, I have spent the good part of the last three and a half years studying to be a science teacher. Through my classes and classroom experience I have fallen in love with kids in middle school and their crazy, hormonal, angst-y way of life. You can call me crazy like everyone else but those darn 13 year olds are pretty awesome in my eyes. So, naturally, as I have had such wonderful experiences with them, it is clear that this coupled with the confidence I have in my skills that the Lord has given me as a science teacher would equal the greatest calling the Lord could have for me. It seems that I have figured out why the Lord put me on this earth, and that is to be a middle school science teacher! Oh praise God!

Oh wait. What do you mean there’s more?

Yeah. So, there is this other part of me that has been changed by the opportunities I have had in high school and in college. My sophomore year at Berthoud High, my incredible art teacher introduced me to the wide world of Photography and I found myself taking to it like a fish to water. Life makes more sense when I can look at it through a lens and I find so much joy in looking for the beauty the Lord has placed around me. And then at Colorado Christian University, God had the nerve to trick me into going to South Africa and having the time of my life as He picked up the life I had planned out and dumped it on its head. What do you mean I no longer want to marry some smart, wise, good looking man who will provide for our cute little family that I raise in the suburbs with a great house, a dog and a couple sweet cars? What do you mean, I can’t just do my best to be a mediocre teacher who gets through the day and spends her weekends and summers on tropical beaches, sipping umbrella’d drinks, and accruing one awesome tan? What do you mean my life is no longer my own but the only real gift I can give to my Lover and Savior who I have now seen is alive and at work in this world but in desperate need of some harvesters and hard workers? Dang it.

So I decided to give the Lord my life, my future, my money, my everything and He just takes it all. And now, I am in this weird middle ground where I find myself totally owned by Sallie Mae, almost a certified teacher, but with an incredible God-given desire to take pictures and somehow make a difference with them in the lives of desperate, forgotten, and broken people. And I have no idea how this is all supposed to work. Square peg and a round hole is all I’m seeing here.

Yeah, if you have any answers for me, I am totally open to some wise counsel.

And in the mean time, I just find myself attempting to soak up His Word and praying for wisdom and just keeping my fingers crossed that with time it will all make sense. If I can just hang in there, God will align things and doors will open and I’ll see how these gifts and desire mold into the perfect fit that God has chiseled out for me in His beautiful and perfect plan. Until then, I’m just going to sit here and squirm a little in the uncomfortable unknown that I bask in. Care to join me?

Anyways, I pray that as you read this, you are more secure in what the Lord is calling you to do. Maybe that isn’t the case and you find yourself in a similar situation as me, just trying to figure all this craziness out. If so, just know you aren’t alone. You and I can train together or something, as we get really good with this whole wrestling-with-God-thing. That would be awesome, but I get the first pick at names once we pin that angel. (If you have no idea what I am talking about, sorry. My mind in a little crazy right now but you should check out Gen 32:22-29ish. If you already totally know what I am talking about, you are as crazy as I am. And you get a gold star for paying attention in Sunday school.)

Ok, thanks for reading and caring and praying and being cool.

Peace.

Yes, that's right. I totally just wrote a post and here I am writing another.

It's just been so darn long. And I just have so darn much to say. (Imagine that...)

The Lord is stirring up my life, as He seems to do a lot, and in many ways it is very exciting. He has set before me a grand opportunity to go to Guatemala City, Guatemala in May for three weeks of orphan ministry, elderly ministry, service projects, and church outreach. It just blows my mind that the Lord would chose me to have the chance to come along side another incredible group of people and serve alongside them in a new land that I have never seen before. The fact that He would desire to use me to love these people is so beyond my comprehension.

And if that were it, I may be able to handle it but even as I prepare my heart and my head and my hands for this beautiful adventure He has laid out for me, He doesn't stop there. He has decided to completely outdo Himself and bless me with incredible people to go on this trip with me. I have the opportunity to co-lead with my best friend who is one of the most compassionate, loving, beautiful people I know. I am getting to know our staff leader better who is diligent, committed, and exactly what we need on this team. Oh yeah, you think that's it but it isn't. Not even close. There are four other girls going with us who each have beautiful, distinct, unique characteristics that the Lord has given them to use in their specific roles on this team. They are all out there, serving the Lord with every breath they take and that is simply... breath taking! And the boys, well, I should say men, because the three men on this trip are some of the most passionate, kind, and God-loving men on our entire campus. They are distinct men of God each in their own place with the Lord and each so vital to the team. Oh and yet, with such incredibly legit people going on this trip, one cannot do anything alone. The Lord must truly know this because I have watched as these people have begin to mold into each other as each comes to know the other on a deep, heartfelt level. It's as if we are molding, conforming, and filling in each others cracks like clay does as it gets warm and settles. I pray with some more time, we will mold completely, accepting each other for the uniquely beautiful individual they are and come together to form one complete entity with nothing on our hearts and minds but serving the Lord fully. Alone, we will each fall but together we will stand firm in the Lord.

Praise God, praise God, praise God!

If this experience in planning this trip and preparing for this service has taught me anything it is that this God I serve is miraculous, loving, and gives me more grace than I could ever possibly deserve. He just blows my mind.

I pray that you are well aware of the incredible people that the Lord has placed in your life to help lead you closer to Him. I challenge you to make sure that those people in your life that you admire, love, and need know these things and I pray the Lord grows these relationships and continues to strengthen you through those wonderful people He has bless you with.

Well, thanks for reading! Take care and I'll be back soon! :)

Its been quite a while, and I dare say much to long. So here is a another entry for anyone wanting to hear some of the crazy things the Lord puts in my head and on my heart.

The Lord clearly used South Africa and my incredible adventures there to shape and mold me as a person and as a follower of Christ. I am incredibly thankful that those changes were not quick like a lit match, with a bright flash of passion that fades quickly until it slithers into the corners and is gone. Instead, this desire to live my life for Christ and to spend my time serving and loving those in front of me has been a constant simmer of heat that every once in a while rises to a full tumultuous boil and then simmers back down but is constantly churning away. I praise God for His words and whispers that He is constantly speaking into my life to make sure that what I experienced in that African dust does not dissapate as the sun sinks to the horizon.

My God sure is a persistant Being and I praise Him for His faithfulness and grace. Trust me, I have tried to close my eyes to the things He showed me and turn my back from the needs that lie in wait before my eyes but this God I try to love just wont let me give up on this new found desire.

So what exactly does all this jibberish mean? Well, not a whole lot really. Or at least, I haven't the faintest idea where all this leads but what it really comes down to is I serve a huge, miraculous God who choses a wretch like me go out into the world and be His hands while He knows full well that He will spend a lot of time having to clean up behind me and work dispite me. These words I type and the life I live is testimony to the Christ I have laid my life down for.

I am not perfect. But He is.
I can't do anything right. But He is always right.
I am not strong. But He is strength completely.
I am but a wretch. And He is the Lover and Savior of wretches.

I pray this post makes at least a little sense to you as you read it. Maybe more than this jibberish means to me. I also pray that it encourages you to love and serve your God through the people that are right in front of you.