Hello there. Here are some pictures as promised.

But first, I need to do some prefacing. : )

So every year, CCU2theWorld, the mission organization at my university, does an awarenes event called Bowl For A Buck. Basically, we rent out a bowling alley, fill it with way to many people, and bowl like crazy. Each missions team has two lanes or so and they sell tickets for their lanes. The teams decorate and dress all crazy so as to represent their country and culture and it is just an all around crazy night. We chose to go as Mayan warriors with facepaint, jungle hair, and bright colors. Prepare yourself. : )

The following pictures are worth a zillion words. But because some of them are a little odd, I'll give you some captions for reference. Just know we had a wonderful time bonding and hanging out as a team. And we used a lot of soap and water as well as bottles of conditioner later that night.

To the pics!

So, I am a really REALLY big fan of black and white. Like, big bold patters like zebra skin, or black with white polka dots, or a big bold floral pattern; it’s all great. I love black and white photographs and nine times out of ten I will like the black and white version better than the color version of the same photograph. In fact, even though I see every picture I take in color through my camera lens, in my head it translates to black and white. Yeah, I'm a big fan of black and white.

So, yeah. Why is that important?

Perhaps it’s because that isn't life. Life isn't a crisp, bold pattern with defined lines between what is right and what is wrong. If you think about it, most aspects of our lives aren't black and white but are a dance somewhere in the gray. I find myself searching and wishing for black or hoping to end up in the white and yet all I can find around me is gray.

A good black and white photograph has a wide range of shades of gray but it also has to have strong blacks and strong whites. It’s kind of a beautiful description of life, if you don't mind going deep into this metaphor with me. A good photograph is a solid, balanced combination of all three elements, with no one overpowering the others. And if that is a good metaphor for life, why am I so desperate to find my way to the black or white?

This whole thing stems from my desire to truly know who I am, where I am going, and what it all means. These are no easy answers to find and I hate to say it, but I may just be looking to answer these questions for the rest of my life. But as I coast through my senior year and start to prepare for the next season of my life I have this desire to be in the black and white. I want solid, definable answers to these questions and an ocean of other ones. I want to be committed to some choice as to what I am going to do and how I am going to do it. Not in the sense of putting on blinders and barreling down the path I choose, oblivious to the other open doors the Lord has laid beside the path but in the sense of having the peace in knowing that I have truly sought the Lord and made the decision I think He is calling me to make and then trusting Him with the rest. I am ready to jump and follow Him anywhere but after Guatemala, I don't know where He is leading me.

I think taking one day at a time could be a great way for me to just calm down and wrap my head around this whole thing but that philosophy is just not sitting well with me as I look to graduate and get finances in order. Where does the Lord want me to go now? What does He desire of me? What is His will in my life here in the next season? Which path do I take, the black one or the white one?

Or do I just continue to dance in the gray?

I haven't the faintest idea. But will you dance with me?

Oh hey everyone. Larissa here.

(Ha, who else would it be?)

Here is the quick (yeah right) Guatemalan update:

* We are now eleven people strong. We gained another girl, Michelle, who is a doll and I think she will fit in rather nicely with the crew. So that makes 3 guys, 5 girls, Lindsay our staff leader, and Arika and I. Solid, solid team.

* We have been focusing a lot of getting to know each other and building trust as we let ourselves be vulnerable. Its a struggle sometimes but everyone is pretty amazing and God has taken them down such beautiful paths to bring them to this place. Its pretty incredible to see each individual and then see our potential as a team. I think God just may do some incredible things with us...if He wants.

* Our main focus is going to be shifting from so much team bonding (which we will continue, of course) to learning as much as we can about Guatemalan culture and fundraising. We have decided that we are raising funds as a team rather than as individuals and it will be very interesting to see how that all works. The team came to the decision themselves to pool our funds and I think the Lord will really provide if we are all using every resource we have.

* As for fundraisers, we are going through King Soopers grocery store and buying gift cards that people can load money onto and for everything they buy, we get 5% of the money. So, if you are a shopper and King Soops and you wouldn't mind putting money on a gift card and then using that to buy your groceries, let me know and I'll hook you up and you can support us financially as you shop. This will be the first of a couple fundraisers so I'll let you know more when we get things nailed down with the next money makers.

* As far as the cold hard facts go, we are about half way to our plane ticket goal of $6,000 and we have to have that money in by Friday. Please be praying for these funds so we can get those plane tickets and take the next step on this awesome adventure.

* This coming Thursday night my school is having an event called "Bowl-4-a-Buck" where my missions department rents out the bowling alley and everyone comes to bowl and support all the mission teams. Each team has a couple lanes and they dress up and decorate their section like their country so its always a crazy, crazy time. I am going to try to bring my camera so I can snap some pictures and post them for you guys. So stay tuned for that.

Uh, yeah, that is all I can think about right now. Some specific things we could really use some prayer for is finances, good plane tickets, and a deep desire to better understand what the Lord is teaching us today. We are doing a lot of preparation in our heads but the most important prep is in our hearts. Thanks so much for reading this and for your support, it really means the world to me.

:)

Forgive me for more water analogies, they just seem to be echoing in my life. Here is some scripture I read today that may just be my life right now:

Jonah's Prayer
1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me.
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O LORD my God.

7 "When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD.
and my prayer rose to you.
to your holy temple.

8 "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the Lord."

10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry ground.

Jonah 2:1-10

If I have come to realize anything through planning and preparing for Africa and now starting the process again with a whole new destination and group of people, it's that that Lord likes to just dump things on you. I mean, I feel like for the majority of my life, God has been like, "Oh Larissa, its good to see you. I would love for you to work on A, B, and C, and then I am going to throw a few little things your way here and there but I'll space them out really nicely and you won't be overwhelmed or anything. In fact, it will really feel like you aren't learning anything until you turn around and use that hindsight of yours." You know, its that constant trickle of things you deal with and learn from. Yeah, that's not the case. Its like a stinking down pour over here. Like a constant hot shower, full force, raging. I must be pretty dirty to need such a long shower.

Oh and I know I am. That's the other thing I am learning right now. I am a stinking wretch. I know nothing. I am nothing. I just mess things up all the time. Its a good thing my God has a lot of grace and forgiveness for me. I couldn't do any of this without Him. In fact, I would be totally insane without Him.

And so, without further ado, the Life Lessons of Larissa, Sent from God:

1.) You have no idea what God has in store for your life.

Yeah I mentioned this one before but I have no idea where the Lord wants me to go. Read up in that blog and you'll know what I mean.

2.) You are a wonderful person but you are nowhere near complete and are a constant work in progress.

Yeah, work in progress. Ugh. I feel like anything I have confidence in, like my leadership ability or any skills I have in relating with people are in a current state of construction. I guess that it is mostly just me learning what those things are. Like, how do I lead a group of 10 people who are so different from each other and myself? How do I get to know them in a way that is not cheapened by the fact that I am trying to learn to love 10 people all at once and how do I balance being vulnerable and still keeping their trust that a messed up person as myself can still lead. And can I? Can someone so imperfect and broken still lead a team?

3.) Larissa, you suck at listening.

Uh, thanks God. But I know I do. Its been really interesting to watch the Lord as He brings all these people into my life who either need someone to care about them, to listen to them, to love them, or to just plain be with them. I have come to realize that I am often in a conversation to share my incredible wisdom with them and while I do feel that the Lord gives me wisdom to share with others, I was getting so absorbed by that. I can't just be in a conversation, poised and waiting to vomit some wisdom on the unsuspecting person in front of me. How well do I fully understand the situation before I just jump in and save the day? Am I asking questions and digging deeper or am I just waiting to take back control of the conversation? How many times do I jump in and share a similar story of mine or go strait to the "Me too, and let me tell you about it..." without fully trying to understand if the person is telling me so someone will say "Me too" or because they need someone to really listen. Don't get me wrong, I know the power of the "Me too" phrase, I mean, I go to Flatirons, but sometimes, telling someone your own story makes it look like you never really heard theirs. So Yeah, talk about struggle. I am just learning so much more about this. Maybe I'll go into it more in a later post.

4.) I need you to love the person right in front of you.

A good friend of mine told me this was what he was working on this semester and I realized how much I need to work on it to. I am so quick to get through a meeting or an encounter with someone so that I can move on to someone else or more often then not "me time", but I have come to see how much I was missing out on. I decided to give this You-are-in-front-of-me-so-I-want-to-love-you-and-really-listen-to-you-for-as-long-as-you-need-thing a try and I have got to tell you, its incredible. Its hard and its a struggle but I have never been more blessed by conversations and relationships in my life. Praise God for His work there. Keep it up, Big Man, keep it up.

Yeah, I could go on, but this post is stinking long as it is and I'll let you get back to work... or facebook stalking, most likely. If you want to be praying for the above mentioned lessons I am struggling though, that would be cool. But if you want to get together and challenge me to ask you questions, love you fully, and learn to lead you better, I think practicing these things could help.

:)

Thanks for reading.

Now go do something useful with your life...

Yeah, so i waited a couple of days to write because I was hoping something funny or interesting would happen so I could write an incredibly witty and cute little post but that's just not happening right now.

Don't get me wrong. My life is not all crazy and crappy and doomsday but I guess I was trying too hard to find something upbeat.

In reality, Satan is having a hay day in my head and is ripping at anything that he can as far as my leadership, self confidence, dreams, and a lot of aspects of my life. And yes, it really is as crappy as it sounds. I have always heard of spiritual warfare and been aware of it but never to this depth. So yes, if you have been praying for me, some protection could be fantastic.

And I say all this in a pretty positive way. Yeah demonic work around me scares the crap out of me but while the devil has been hard at work, I know my God has been working even harder. And I am so blessed by what He is doing.

Mostly I have been more aware of all the beautiful and wonderful women in my life. I have been so blessed to run into people randomly and receive a needed hug or spend a couple hours just hanging out with these beautiful girls. I have even been able to have some really stellar conversations and the Lord just provided some grand opportunities for someone to share a lot of needed wisdom with me. My God is truly wonderful and He is showing me just how blessed I am to not have to go through anything alone. Incredible.

So that little bit of sunshine I was hoping to find and share with you is the girls in my life. My roommates, my friends, my team members, my mentors, and so many random and wonderful girls that I have been seeing throughout the day. They are all so wonderful and I am so thankful for their willingness to listen, to laugh, and to just love me like they do.

I pray that you are aware of all the wonderful women in your life and their willingness and God-given desire to do life with you. None of us should ever have to carry something alone or try to figure out our own way because a wise friend reminded me that these people are there to travel with us. Praise God for that!

<3

My last couple of posts have been a little on the chipper side…

(yeah I said chipper…)

But this one is a little different. I guess the Lord has really been working on my heart a little and checking my motivations. Through a series of events in the last couple of days, I have really begun to look at why I am going on this trip and how I am going to get there.

I know everyone says that if you are supposed to go, the Lord will provide a way but I guess what I struggle with is knowing how much I am supposed to work for it and how much is provided through doors that the Lord opens. People say that you can do anything if you try hard enough, that you can make anything happen if you put enough work into it but is that of the Lord? Where does His will play into that? When it comes to Guatemala, it basically comes down to money. I got an e-mail the other day and it basically said I shouldn’t expect any financial help from my family this year. It seems that a lot of my family thinks that one mission trip is all anyone should get. And maybe they are right. Maybe I am being greedy in thinking I can have the opportunity to go on another trip. Maybe two is one too many.

And then, in my heart, I am so sold out to this trip. And it’s in a really different way than Africa. On the last trip, I sort of thought of it as an incredible opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. I knew I was going to learn so much and I hoped I would come to know the Lord more and enjoy a new culture but I don’t think I fully had my head wrapped around what I was doing or how it was going to change my life.

And now, I am facing a new frame of mind. I know that this trip isn’t going to allow me to change the world or do anything big but I do know that I will get to see the Lord at work in beautiful ways and I am so excited to go and see this place alongside these people I am coming to love. And the Lord is just reinforcing my desire to help the people down there in Guatemala. He is breaking my heart for elderly and orphaned and He just keeps whispering to me that I am doing the right thing in embarking on this journey. I guess those last couple of sentences should be enough to calm me but to go I have to have money and I don’t know where to get it.

When it came to finances for Africa, you should have seen how freaking scared I was. The last couple of months, I was a total wreck because I didn’t know if I could make it to such a high financial goal and I did. The Lord provided. Why wouldn’t He do it now?

I guess I am just scared because He could just close the door. He could just pull the plug. Or a number of other cliché actions that really mean God is saying “No.” What it all comes down to is I am scared that I will pour my heart into this trip, this team, and then I won’t get to go. Man, I am such a baby.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. And even though it’s hard, I truly don’t want it any other way. I don’t want to go unless the Lord is on my side and I know that all I can do is pour my heart into this and give it my all each day. The Lord is guiding me and growing me and teaching me so much and even if He is just teaching me now and not taking me to Guatemala that is so much more than I deserve.

So, if you are out there reading this and you want to pray for me and this trip, I could really use them. More than anything, my prayer is that the Lord would have His way and I would remain humble enough to accept His will, especially if He desires me to pour everything into this trip and still not go. I will certainly do this but only with the grace of God and His help. And pray for my ability to trust. It’s a constant struggle of mine especially financially so I could use a zillion prayers for that as well. And really, anything else you have on your heart, pray for that too if you want. The Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf so just go with it. : ) I really do appreciate all these prayers and your support so thank you so much for it!

Well, thanks for putting up with the winey post.

I’ll post a better one tomorrow.

Go in peace and serve the Lord. : )

I don’t know if you can relate but it seems that every time I think I have some aspect of my life figured out or find some sliver of direction for the future God just likes to give a little chuckle and then knock over my meager tower of blocks. Like that little kid in preschool, I am a little embarrassed to say that my first reaction is usually to pout it out, throw a little tantrum, and then refuse to share any toys with Him. Well sort of. I guess my reaction is just to sit there, wonder what the heck happened and search for what I can do now. It’s always a struggle because before the Lord straightened me out, I thought I had it all figured out. When you are constantly realizing that you are just wrong over and over again, how exactly do you keep trying to search out the Lord’s will for your life?

A quote I’ve heard often comes to mind here: “Repeating the same experiment over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.”

Cool. I’m completely insane. Awesome.

Maybe I should clarify a little here:
So, I have spent the good part of the last three and a half years studying to be a science teacher. Through my classes and classroom experience I have fallen in love with kids in middle school and their crazy, hormonal, angst-y way of life. You can call me crazy like everyone else but those darn 13 year olds are pretty awesome in my eyes. So, naturally, as I have had such wonderful experiences with them, it is clear that this coupled with the confidence I have in my skills that the Lord has given me as a science teacher would equal the greatest calling the Lord could have for me. It seems that I have figured out why the Lord put me on this earth, and that is to be a middle school science teacher! Oh praise God!

Oh wait. What do you mean there’s more?

Yeah. So, there is this other part of me that has been changed by the opportunities I have had in high school and in college. My sophomore year at Berthoud High, my incredible art teacher introduced me to the wide world of Photography and I found myself taking to it like a fish to water. Life makes more sense when I can look at it through a lens and I find so much joy in looking for the beauty the Lord has placed around me. And then at Colorado Christian University, God had the nerve to trick me into going to South Africa and having the time of my life as He picked up the life I had planned out and dumped it on its head. What do you mean I no longer want to marry some smart, wise, good looking man who will provide for our cute little family that I raise in the suburbs with a great house, a dog and a couple sweet cars? What do you mean, I can’t just do my best to be a mediocre teacher who gets through the day and spends her weekends and summers on tropical beaches, sipping umbrella’d drinks, and accruing one awesome tan? What do you mean my life is no longer my own but the only real gift I can give to my Lover and Savior who I have now seen is alive and at work in this world but in desperate need of some harvesters and hard workers? Dang it.

So I decided to give the Lord my life, my future, my money, my everything and He just takes it all. And now, I am in this weird middle ground where I find myself totally owned by Sallie Mae, almost a certified teacher, but with an incredible God-given desire to take pictures and somehow make a difference with them in the lives of desperate, forgotten, and broken people. And I have no idea how this is all supposed to work. Square peg and a round hole is all I’m seeing here.

Yeah, if you have any answers for me, I am totally open to some wise counsel.

And in the mean time, I just find myself attempting to soak up His Word and praying for wisdom and just keeping my fingers crossed that with time it will all make sense. If I can just hang in there, God will align things and doors will open and I’ll see how these gifts and desire mold into the perfect fit that God has chiseled out for me in His beautiful and perfect plan. Until then, I’m just going to sit here and squirm a little in the uncomfortable unknown that I bask in. Care to join me?

Anyways, I pray that as you read this, you are more secure in what the Lord is calling you to do. Maybe that isn’t the case and you find yourself in a similar situation as me, just trying to figure all this craziness out. If so, just know you aren’t alone. You and I can train together or something, as we get really good with this whole wrestling-with-God-thing. That would be awesome, but I get the first pick at names once we pin that angel. (If you have no idea what I am talking about, sorry. My mind in a little crazy right now but you should check out Gen 32:22-29ish. If you already totally know what I am talking about, you are as crazy as I am. And you get a gold star for paying attention in Sunday school.)

Ok, thanks for reading and caring and praying and being cool.

Peace.

Yes, that's right. I totally just wrote a post and here I am writing another.

It's just been so darn long. And I just have so darn much to say. (Imagine that...)

The Lord is stirring up my life, as He seems to do a lot, and in many ways it is very exciting. He has set before me a grand opportunity to go to Guatemala City, Guatemala in May for three weeks of orphan ministry, elderly ministry, service projects, and church outreach. It just blows my mind that the Lord would chose me to have the chance to come along side another incredible group of people and serve alongside them in a new land that I have never seen before. The fact that He would desire to use me to love these people is so beyond my comprehension.

And if that were it, I may be able to handle it but even as I prepare my heart and my head and my hands for this beautiful adventure He has laid out for me, He doesn't stop there. He has decided to completely outdo Himself and bless me with incredible people to go on this trip with me. I have the opportunity to co-lead with my best friend who is one of the most compassionate, loving, beautiful people I know. I am getting to know our staff leader better who is diligent, committed, and exactly what we need on this team. Oh yeah, you think that's it but it isn't. Not even close. There are four other girls going with us who each have beautiful, distinct, unique characteristics that the Lord has given them to use in their specific roles on this team. They are all out there, serving the Lord with every breath they take and that is simply... breath taking! And the boys, well, I should say men, because the three men on this trip are some of the most passionate, kind, and God-loving men on our entire campus. They are distinct men of God each in their own place with the Lord and each so vital to the team. Oh and yet, with such incredibly legit people going on this trip, one cannot do anything alone. The Lord must truly know this because I have watched as these people have begin to mold into each other as each comes to know the other on a deep, heartfelt level. It's as if we are molding, conforming, and filling in each others cracks like clay does as it gets warm and settles. I pray with some more time, we will mold completely, accepting each other for the uniquely beautiful individual they are and come together to form one complete entity with nothing on our hearts and minds but serving the Lord fully. Alone, we will each fall but together we will stand firm in the Lord.

Praise God, praise God, praise God!

If this experience in planning this trip and preparing for this service has taught me anything it is that this God I serve is miraculous, loving, and gives me more grace than I could ever possibly deserve. He just blows my mind.

I pray that you are well aware of the incredible people that the Lord has placed in your life to help lead you closer to Him. I challenge you to make sure that those people in your life that you admire, love, and need know these things and I pray the Lord grows these relationships and continues to strengthen you through those wonderful people He has bless you with.

Well, thanks for reading! Take care and I'll be back soon! :)

Its been quite a while, and I dare say much to long. So here is a another entry for anyone wanting to hear some of the crazy things the Lord puts in my head and on my heart.

The Lord clearly used South Africa and my incredible adventures there to shape and mold me as a person and as a follower of Christ. I am incredibly thankful that those changes were not quick like a lit match, with a bright flash of passion that fades quickly until it slithers into the corners and is gone. Instead, this desire to live my life for Christ and to spend my time serving and loving those in front of me has been a constant simmer of heat that every once in a while rises to a full tumultuous boil and then simmers back down but is constantly churning away. I praise God for His words and whispers that He is constantly speaking into my life to make sure that what I experienced in that African dust does not dissapate as the sun sinks to the horizon.

My God sure is a persistant Being and I praise Him for His faithfulness and grace. Trust me, I have tried to close my eyes to the things He showed me and turn my back from the needs that lie in wait before my eyes but this God I try to love just wont let me give up on this new found desire.

So what exactly does all this jibberish mean? Well, not a whole lot really. Or at least, I haven't the faintest idea where all this leads but what it really comes down to is I serve a huge, miraculous God who choses a wretch like me go out into the world and be His hands while He knows full well that He will spend a lot of time having to clean up behind me and work dispite me. These words I type and the life I live is testimony to the Christ I have laid my life down for.

I am not perfect. But He is.
I can't do anything right. But He is always right.
I am not strong. But He is strength completely.
I am but a wretch. And He is the Lover and Savior of wretches.

I pray this post makes at least a little sense to you as you read it. Maybe more than this jibberish means to me. I also pray that it encourages you to love and serve your God through the people that are right in front of you.