So, I am a really REALLY big fan of black and white. Like, big bold patters like zebra skin, or black with white polka dots, or a big bold floral pattern; it’s all great. I love black and white photographs and nine times out of ten I will like the black and white version better than the color version of the same photograph. In fact, even though I see every picture I take in color through my camera lens, in my head it translates to black and white. Yeah, I'm a big fan of black and white.

So, yeah. Why is that important?

Perhaps it’s because that isn't life. Life isn't a crisp, bold pattern with defined lines between what is right and what is wrong. If you think about it, most aspects of our lives aren't black and white but are a dance somewhere in the gray. I find myself searching and wishing for black or hoping to end up in the white and yet all I can find around me is gray.

A good black and white photograph has a wide range of shades of gray but it also has to have strong blacks and strong whites. It’s kind of a beautiful description of life, if you don't mind going deep into this metaphor with me. A good photograph is a solid, balanced combination of all three elements, with no one overpowering the others. And if that is a good metaphor for life, why am I so desperate to find my way to the black or white?

This whole thing stems from my desire to truly know who I am, where I am going, and what it all means. These are no easy answers to find and I hate to say it, but I may just be looking to answer these questions for the rest of my life. But as I coast through my senior year and start to prepare for the next season of my life I have this desire to be in the black and white. I want solid, definable answers to these questions and an ocean of other ones. I want to be committed to some choice as to what I am going to do and how I am going to do it. Not in the sense of putting on blinders and barreling down the path I choose, oblivious to the other open doors the Lord has laid beside the path but in the sense of having the peace in knowing that I have truly sought the Lord and made the decision I think He is calling me to make and then trusting Him with the rest. I am ready to jump and follow Him anywhere but after Guatemala, I don't know where He is leading me.

I think taking one day at a time could be a great way for me to just calm down and wrap my head around this whole thing but that philosophy is just not sitting well with me as I look to graduate and get finances in order. Where does the Lord want me to go now? What does He desire of me? What is His will in my life here in the next season? Which path do I take, the black one or the white one?

Or do I just continue to dance in the gray?

I haven't the faintest idea. But will you dance with me?